Some noise has been made in the news that the Australian Rugby Union will have a designated person responsible for reviewing the lack of progress by Pacific Islanders (Tongans) through their junior ranks into the senior games unlike the relative success New Zealand is having with their Pacific Islanders.

When I first heard of the idea it sounded good, from a palangi/pakeha perspective then I thought about the opportunity there is as well as major barriers ahead of a national body trying to coordinate Tongans through their system.

Where's the family planning?

The first obstacle that came to mind was: family. Or as sociologists might pursue, the identity of their athelete. More akin to country folk than the city dwelling they are, most overseas Tongans I know of have a greater identification with the family unit than their equivalent compatriots.

Taken to its extremes, sociologists might find some link between the social unit bonding of islanders and their very high propensity for gang involvement. But it is practical to say that this identification by most Tongans I know of, with a social unit (mostly based around the family) is quite alien to the understanding of recruiters.

I would hazard to suggest that recent Rugby stars in Australia of Tongan heritage have quite 'abnormal' family unit situations than the run-of-the-mill FOB Tongans (Fresh of the Boats) and 1st generation Tonga-Australians.

From the outside, it looks like the soccer programs in Europe are hitting the mark with providing a 'family' for their proteges. At least with some of the documentaries I've seen the proteges are billeted within a house managed by the clubs and the protoges family/social needs are monitored and catered for together with their standard rigours of bash their brains on the paddock.

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To whom much is given, much is expected.

Talented Tongan athletes generally find very supportive parents and relatives. But together with the family/kin support is an unspoken expectation for their participation in 'standard' family/community activities.

In Tonga, it is the athletic or the active who are generally expected to be involved with roasting the pig, prepping the 'umu. There is less expectation at this level for athletes to be so involved in Australia, and especially if they've 100% Tongan-Australians but the general concept of need for participation is quite strong with the family and community.

There seems to be less expectation of successful Tongan-Australians to share their spoils as is of successful Tongans imports. But this is just a shift from Tongan imports having a nations demands to a Tongan-Australian having own your families demands (which are quite considerable of themselves anyway.)

For a successful program in New Zealand, Australia, or anywhere to transition young people through the expectations of their tight community requires acceptance of this conundrum.

Who am I ?

Tongan-Whatevers have a very strong identity with their family unit and that unit's motivations, appeasement, benefits can have significant effects on the individuals choices and performance. A short look at Australian Rugby League History show some startling bush stars on the international platform that chose to go back to their life than pursue stardom and its associated trappings.

The split personalities most young Tongans have in the lives at home and the lives at school, the mall, the rugby team can quickly cycle into dangerous spiral of self destruction.

Most youth in minority ethnic groups can attest to what can at times become unbearable pressure from both their ethnic heritage and adopted national heritage (whatever that is defined.) The pressure for conformity becomes problematic when they often clash, the ethos/priorities of one directly conflicts with the other.

For example: My parents are very religious and devout Christian Methodists and to them Sunday was a day you spent in church and the only football you did on Sunday was to watch it on Television. As an aspiring tennis player, well that just blew away any hope since most junior tournaments are run over week-ends where the semi-finals and finals were invariably played on Sundays.

Invariably many begin living two lives that are either forced back into compatible directions or it begins to pull apart at their own identity as well as other aspects of their lives.

Again, dealing with these issues is to first acknowledge that such an issue exists and without careful assistance an individual can be seriously damaged when they cannot rejoin their separate lives.

Were I a Rugby Liaison - What would I do ?

#1 - Forget the national issue, deal with proteges one family at a time. Familys are complex units, if trained psychologists/sociologists are still pulling their hair out give yourself a break.

It's like a marriage councillor once said, if you think your life is screwed up, don't go marrying and really screwing up someone else's life. If your schedule doesn't include time for your own family, don't think it is enough for success with other families.

#2 - Earn their Respect. If you want to succeed, you need to be part of the family, not some pakeha/palangi expert from out of left field. Most Tongans will respectfully give you the floor and allow your views to be heard, priority, but you'll get a lot further with earned respect than your status on the Rugby Board.

You don't get respect by throwing money around, you do get it for sitting down and listening to the old man yabber on about how he used to go fishing on a little boat not worthy of the name, or sitting outside with the boys cooking while its freezing cold and the ladies are inside warm in the kitchen (especially freezing if you're in NZ.)

#3 - Do it for the Love. Do it out of Love for the Game, Love for People, but don't do it for the money. You know how families are, there's heaps of members in the family who can sniff out money changers, they just make life harder for you and it's probably not worth the hassle.

Rugby as in most team sports attract near fanatical family support. Fanaticism has its cost in time and time and time.

#4 - Speak my Language. If the Nazi's can learn yiddish, hebrew to wipe out the Jews, you can learn more than a little of Tonga, our culture and our language. I once heard of a Science professor in Harvard University who taught his graduate class exclusively in Japanese because he was an international leading figure in his field and it was the least respect students could show that they should learn his language and be taught in his 'tongue.'

The Department of Engineering and Science instigated Japanese classes and his lecture theatres remained full.

If you really respect a player, do you respect him enough to at least say hello to his mum in his mum's own language, and to show the common courtesies such as thank-you, good-bye, I'll bring him back before sun-break? You'll definitely earn a lot of credit points for speaking the lingo and it provides evidence that you are there to help, not just suck.

#5 - Don't be a Tonga (or Fijian.) It might sound like a good idea to have a national be the Rugby Liaison officer, but it's not. If you're a Tongan dealing with Tongans everyone's got history. Your mama's mama has history and my mama's mama has history and it never seems to work out.

One of us is going to accuse the other of something somewhere down the line.

If you're Fijian than you better be good but probably be better respected ? So long as I don't find out some history issues with you either.

#6 - Don't Drink Kava.  I'm throwing this one out because I don't see too many of the young athletic Tongan-Australians as being much into Kava (although there are quite a few in the Sydney premiership competition that do it.) Traditions are great to learn and participate in, but remember your objectives is with your client/protege if he's not into Kava (and not every Tongan | Fijian out there loves the stuff) that go ahead and grab a Fosters or OJ which ever fits the bill.

#7 - Go Home to Your Wife. Keep your personal life in order, your a better person for it.